Is there anywhere in your life where you're currently feeling little nudges? Any feelings or signs that are popping up constantly? Those pushes from the Universe towards something greater - more 'you'?
Over the past few months, I've felt huge shifts in my life. This is something that I can recognize now, looking back, because those shifts are actually a combination of baby steps. Hard to see in the moment, but glaringly obvious while reflecting + assessing.
The thing about inner change, is that it takes time and energy. Those baby steps - the change in perspective, the shift in thoughts, the small choices we make each and every day - amount to quantum leaps. It's really only looking back and reflecting that I can see how much has changed on a cellular level.
I'm no longer allowing myself to be run by obligation - self-induced or otherwise. I've consciously made a choice to allow my feelings to take over, often asking, "How does that feel?" before any decision-making.
That's not to say it's been an easy task. Yes, you have the power to make these decisions - the mind-altering, life-changing, holy-shit-this-is-goooood kind of choices. To change your thoughts, to decide to be happy, to chase after that far-out-ridiculous-but-oh-so-enchanting dream in the back of your mind. Yep, right there behind what to cook for dinner, the grocery list, the plans you're making for the weekend, and the million other "I really should get to that's." But, darling, the decision is half the battle, you have to follow it up with hardcore action. Idling by is not an option. You gotta werk it.
And let me tell you - this whole "feel your feelings" business is legit. It comes with a calm, peaceful mind and better intentions. It feels expansive. It feels light. It's made me leap out of my comfort zone and experience new adventures that the old-me would've turned her nose up at. Or made some sort of sorry excuse to get out of. It's eye-opening. It's made me step back, look around, and be in the moment. It made me step away from this blog.
Distancing myself from this space allowed me to open up and think clearly. What is the purpose behind Between Dreams? What do I love to do? What makes me comes alive? What should I share on my blog? How can I spread more joy? How can I give more?
I want to dive deeper. I want to learn and discover. Search and explore. I want to go BIG, share more stories, connect more, create a community and support each other.
I want to write more, create more, open up. Uplift and empower. Brutal honesty, hold the BS, let the authenticity flow.
When I took a step back, it was so clear that I've been resisting. Even when I resisted the fact that I was resisting, those signs and nudges were popping up everywhere. It was so in my face that at times, I'd just have to laugh. I couldn't ignore it any longer - I've been holding back because cracking open and allowing myself to be vulnerable scares the shit out of me. All my life I've been a very private person, I've kept the cards close to my chest, guarding my heart, opening up only when necessary, and letting people in selectively. But I'm evolving.
As people grow and evolve, blogs do too. Sharing my insights has been an incredible experience, but it hadn't been feeling right. Putting a positive twist on a story/ situation/ thought is part of who I am but I wasn't feeling 100% honest. Life is not always rainbows and butterflies, and sometimes there is no sugar-coating it. Sometimes you have to rely on raw honesty, bare-your-soul openness, and a whopping dose of love (with open arms.) It's time to lay the cards out on the table because everybody has a story to tell.
“Owning our story can be hard
but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it.
Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky
but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love
and belonging and joy—
the experiences that make us the most vulnerable.
Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness
will we discover the infinite power
of our light.” ― Brené Brown
Take this as your official invite to join in on the ride. Because this journey is far from over.
This space is as much yours as it is mine, so tell me: What would you like to see around here? What feelings/ signs/ nudges are you resisting that you need to give into?